After being sick with cirrhosis, going through treatment for Hepatitis C, liver cancer, transplant, and ALL THAT STUFF, I can feel a bit off sometimes. Physically, my hands and heart tremble like little tiny earthquakes are going off inside me. Mentally… yeah, I kind of quiver there too. It doesn’t take much to get it started either. Sometimes, I wake up with a frightening feeling – like the door to my house is open. I’ve gotten up and checked often enough that I don’t even bother any more. I know that my safety is assured. It’s something like feeling unsafe, but not quite….. I can’t always put my finger on it. It’s like I’m all shook up with PTSD from liver disease.
All shook up with PTSD from liver disease
As my cirrhosis got worse, so did the HE. With hepatic encephalopathy, we start to experience a lot of feelings – and can also think the same thoughts over and over. This energy, or shakiness, can be pointed in many directions.
You may turn it inward and focus on your own undesirable traits, or you can point it outward. It can get interesting either way.
When you choose A and point it inward, and it’s self torture.
When you choose B and point it outsward, everyone else gets tortured and you can get abandoned in your suffering.
I choose C. It stands for change. If it is up to be, it’s up to me! The bottom line is that when I’m shook, I can use poor judgment. I don’t like to feel bad about my choices, so I’ll look around at who, or what, to blame. (victim story: poor me with the HCV, cirrhosis, cancer, transplant)
The 3 R’s – I can recognize those thoughts without buying in. Then, I refuse to take action based on those thoughts. I recall the feelings that were the seed of those thought patterns. I give myself a hug and then CHANGE the subject.
The following one liners were on a little card at my bedside. At night time, and morning, they reminded me of what to do when I got all shook up. It’s part of my meditation process that you can read about here.
Getting Unshook
I am taking responsibility for my inner space. I might not have a lot of control in some areas of my life, but I can control my thoughts. My mind is my own to dominate.
I refuse to worry. When I give in to compulsive worrying, it drains my energy. Just say NO.
I guard my thoughts. Living in the past or worrying about the future will not change my outer circumstances.
I do not react to negative situations with people. These are the worst. Sometimes things may come up. If you overreact to them, it will drain your energy. Stop it.
I listen to feelings of loss, anger, failure, or abandonment. They are real emotions. I can look at them with clarity and know that they are just feelings. Nothing more.
We all have self doubt, otherwise known as: I didn’t want life to turn out this way. After a while, it shakes you up.
Even if you got a cure, like with the Hep C virus, you can be shook. There may have already been liver damage. That was my case. So, the whole story keeps going. I’m beginning to believe that I will always be shaken.
When we’re shook, we hear a roaring voice coming up from deep inside. It may express itself in different ways, depending on a lot of factors. I think it is the sound of growth, as though something new is being born inside of us. That growth means that change is coming, and it’s probably going to be for our good! We can shake off the negative and recognize and welcome the positive change. Doing my best. Xo Karen
For more about meditation go to my soundcloud meditation. For more about yoga jump over to my youtube channel.
16 thoughts on “All Shook Up with PTSD from Liver Disease”
Karen,
As always, your timing is spot on. Yep, every time things don’t “feel right” the first thing I do is think my liver is acting up. (It isn’t!) Before liver failure I never, ever, ever gave it a moment of thought. Being vigilant with foods, etc. is, quite honestly, sometimes a pain. Eating beef three days in a row was more of a pain, so… Every day – just taking them as they come and trying to keep “Liv” happy and in good working order, and not stressing. Sending you peace today.
Thanks so much for stopping by. I’m with you! I get so SHOOK and think it’s all about my liver. Ah… Yeah. I’ve been doing more of the beef broth when I cook. Then I can eat a little meat and a lot of broth for the flavor and protein. I had a small rump roast with carrots, celery, and onions last night. It sat in the crock pot all day yesterday. I just polished it off for lunch.
What I miss: white bread and miracle whip with cold roast beef sandwiches. haha
I’m glad that Liv is getting such good attention. All kinds of ideas are coming to mind just thinking about that. How sweet of you to have named her. A blog post is forming already.
xoxo Shook too, Karen
Thank you for your encouragement. I really needed this today!
Thank you dear one. I am always glad to hear that others are on the same track with me. Much love and hugs xoxo Karen
Once again your God given talent of writing with passion shows through! Thank you!
You’re such an awesome friend. Thank you for always acknowledging my work. I can see where people read, and it makes me feel good to know that. But the comment…. ah… then I can SEE you and it is awesome.
Love you for that and everything else…
xo K
Hiii
This is really very helpful content and also very impotent and very good. I think this will help meany people. Thank you so much for uploading this helpful content..
Hiiii,
So glad that you are able to find the help you need. Finding peace is possible no matter what the circumstances.
All my best to you,
xoxo Karen
Thankyou karen.
Iam there at the moment, and the all shook.up is not the elvis song, i used to love.
Think of you often, warm regards and love, thankyou for all the positive spins, on our little eccentricities.
Well wishes from robyn in australia 😜
Dearest Robyn,
It’s just not easy… or comfortable is it? So thankful to you for sharing your heart with me on this. We constantly scan our hearts and minds and in the end, we can always always find growth – peace – hope. Much love xoxo Karen
This is really very helpful content and also very important and very good. Thank you!!
I’m glad it was helpful! If you ever have any questions, please let me know or check out my ebook “The Liver Loving Diet.”
Thanks you so much for stopping by.
xo Karen
Needed this as I have to see Dr. Tomor marker higher than usual. Also feeling sluggish n no energy. Really need to find foods that help ma as I’m a bread, no veggie lover
It seemed like I responded to this. Sorry if it’s a repeat. What have you found out about your AFP? Bread is not really our friend. Try some bone broth with fresh or frozen veggies cooked in to make a healthy protein soup.
Fish, chicken, and plant protein are also good for you right now.
Rest when you can, move a little every day. xoxo Karen
ps Keep me posted.
thankful to you for sharing your heart with me on this.
Hey friend,
You’re so very welcome and thank YOU for stopping enough to bring encouragement.
It’s good to know that others are all shook up with the health issues.
You are never alone. xoxo Karen
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