Get Real with Expectations
I have been dealing with some unrealistic expectations lately. We can all benefit from looking at the mental images that we hold up for ourselves in every area of our lives. What happens when we hold up expectations? First we are lured into comparing. Then it’s a leap into believing the lie. Pretty soon we have to get real with expectations.
It’s a struggle for me. I’m not the lazy girl who ignores the important things -like goals and dreams. I set high standards in order to accomplish them. I have been forced to face a lot of limitations in recent years. Living with cirrhosis as a result of Hepatitis C interferes with my high standards sometimes.
The problems hits when I can’t get the results that I want. I begin to have self doubt and that leads to putting things off until I feel better. Then when there is a day when energy is high and I try to play catch up, guess what? I feel totally overwhelmed.
Compared to what? – When we compare ourselves to someone else it is always trouble.We each have our own unique set of things that we do well, and that we do NOT do well. Trying to meet the same standards as others is dangerous. We know that and still get hooked into believing a lie.
Believing the lie – We see a commercial with a healthy person exercising in some great outfit, high pony tail, and a huge smile. We decide to exercise. We do not look as good, hurt all over, and are wheezy. I don’t know about you, but my hair is not a high bouncy pony tail – it’s stringy. I do NOT get the results that a healthier person gets. I feel achy and worry about varices bleeding. But it’s ME. It’s MY life and MY body. I have to measure my success realistically and let go of the perfect ideal.
Sharing low sodium recipes charges me up. Shiny pots and pans with nicely chopped food are great. That’s not MY kitchen. I use ingredients that are healthy for me. It does not always look that good. But it’s my life and my cooking that keeps me alive.
I have a mental image of well dressed Nana curled up on the couch reading to her babies. Reality? When I have the energy for curling up and reading time, the kids are wiggly and want to surf the net. So we watch funny youtube videos. It is not the Nana that I had an image of being before my illness. But we have love and that is the only expectation that is important to me.
Getting real means that we see our family for what it is. Maybe your family had problems. There may have been co-dependent behavior. We have to see it for what it is and quit wishing for something else. Be who you are. Be the best YOU.
Lucinda Porter sent me an email that contained a these words: “Love, prayer, and acceptance” and isn’t that what we’re really talking about here? Loving ourselves for who we are and not what we want to be. Loving others as we love ourselves. Praying that it’s all going to work out for our good. Finally accepting who we are. Not a projected false image that we are trying to live up to.
Getting real with expectations means:
No more comparing ourselves to others.
We are rejecting the lies that the world feeds us about mental images we cannot live up to.
We can remind ourselves to relax and believe that our best is good enough.
It’s all about staying real.
I am strong. I can cope. But knowing that you are fighting the same battles is a constant source of comfort to me. I love you. Xoxo Karen:)
Is it time for you to get real with expectations?
pic via patriciaknightphotography,
10 thoughts on “Get Real with Expectations”
I feel for you. I am in bed right now just hoping my fatigue will end because I am cooking tonight for a group of people. Bless you dear one
Susan,
Thanks hunnyo. Cooking is hard work. Are you able to sit while it simmers? I really hope you can enlist some help. I really am thick headed, but learning to rest when I am tired. And I’m learning to say NO!
Thanks for the comment. I love to hear from BFFs.
xoxoxo Karen:)
Thank you Karen. I was able to rest in the afternoon before I started cooking. I feel sad about my fatigue and other symptoms I deal with. Also on another note my children’s book is coming out soon.
Susan recently posted…Get Real with Expectations
Susan,
Congratulations on your book! Be sure and let me know when it comes out! I’d love to have a copy. We feel the sadness, acknowledge it and then move on, don’t we dear friend? Those little mini naps can help. Sometimes they mess up my sleep pattern, but rest is always good.
Take care of yourself during the holidays. xoxo Karen:)
What can I say, Karen, in response to such an amazing post? You are an inspiration to us all. I don’t face anything like the kind of challenges you have to deal with, but I can entirely understand the message you’re getting across in this post.
I get very angry, sometimes, with some of the “inspirational” messages and quotes I come across online, suggesting anyone can do absolutely anything provided they’re sufficiently brave, determined, motivated etc. etc. And it’s just not true – that kind of message can be quite cruel, I think. We all have our limitations – I don’t think we should be defined by them, but I do think, as you say, we sometimes need to “get real” and celebrate who and what we are, rather than striving to be something or someone we’re not.
Comparing ourselves with others is one of the most effective ways to undermine our own self-confidence and sense of our own worth. I didn’t put pen to paper for years because comparing myself with other writers led me to believe I wasn’t good enough.
Your kitchen, your cooking, and the love you give your family sound just wonderful to me – I think you’re amazing 🙂
Susan Neal recently posted…How Keeping a Journal Transformed My Life
Susan,
I’m so glad that my lunch break let me check the blog. I love your encouraging words! You are truly a wordsmith and have my admiration for the way you turn a phrase. If I compared myself to you, I just might give up! I say that with all respect. It surprises me that you had the same struggle…
A student in class this morning has a family going through upheaval and did not finish a writing assignment for me. I was able to quickly draw on this blog and give her permission to do HER best work. Of course that little one will get a higher grade simply for completion and effort.
I understand that anger. This has been a life changing experience for me. It’s so humbling. I confess that my tendency has been to be brave and determined. Motivation is my middle name. I can now identify with all of those who do their best daily with all the effort that they can muster. My readers and I have to learn not be defined by our limitations, but celebrate who and what we are.
I get so misty eyed… an ounce of encouragement becomes a ton of love. Thanks for heaping it on me, and my best friends here on the blog.
With thanks,
Karen:)
Hi Karen
I think we bound into life with these great expectations and soon they get shot down one by one. If we grow up with any self-esteem left we might again begin to soar.
But we all have had these mental images of the way things are supposed to be at a certain age in life and yet when it doesn’t happen we feel like failures. We go back in our minds trying to make sense of where we are and what we could have done to make things better, of course it can’t be done.
Then we wonder if we should even bother with having any hope or are we just expecting too much out of what our reality truly is.
I have played with a lot of these thoughts over the years and have come to the conclusion that all things are “in the past” and for the negative moments you have to “let it go”. Living with what our own personal limitations of what we have or think we have may seem difficult. But probably even those that we think have it altogether may also feel inadequate and that can totally be a shock to us.
I have seen many people complain that have no reason to and absolutely no where near the physical problems you have. Never quite see what they have to complain about. I guess some people think they should have a perfect life.
Sometimes when things are at a low I feel sorry for myself…but then I have to say I am grateful for whatever pops into my head. Such as when I broke my wrist this summer, hey, at least I had 2 wrists and this was not permanent.
Great post and reminder.
Mary
Mary Stephenson recently posted…The Christmas Card for 2013
Mary,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. That’s it exactly – We have these mental images of what should be. Watching my grandkids, I see them full of idealism and try to feed it as much as possible. The world does chip away at it. But I also think it’s okay for them to see my struggles and hope that they won’t find their own obstacles as roadblocks, but simply detours.
You nailed it: It can be crushing to have set our expectations of what we thought life would be at a certain age. We CAN become jaded. If we get stuck there, discouragement sets in. I toyed with the “What the Hell” phrase, and like yours: we wonder if we should even bother. I’m lol because I am always saying to “let it go” when dealing with the past also.
Isn’t it nice to have the benefit of age to help us look back? The perspective truly comes to our aid when our thinking needs adjusting in many areas of our thought life. That’s what it’s all about really. Listening to our inner dialogue and and making the necessary adjustments.
I hope your day was great and want to thank you for stopping by. I look forward to reading your Christmas Card for 2013.
Thank you,
Karen Hoyt
Incredible, this is something that myself and many other women are guilty of, I love that you have given a step to step guide to overcome the issue of comparison. Really inspiring !
Shevonne,
How nice of you to stop and take the time to comment. I’m working hard in this area while preparing for the New Year. I truly hope this blessed you and others. We are all unique and have to be so cautious not to compare with another. We all approach each circumstance with different strengths and weaknesses. We have to give ourselves grace. I can’t wait to stop by your blogspot!
Thank you so much and Happy New Year!
xo Karen:)
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